Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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