No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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