There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
