When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Randomize
