But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
