I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
