I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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