Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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