bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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