Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
