I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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