we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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