so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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