Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I sprained my soul last night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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