can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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