Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
