why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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