Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize