i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
