I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
