Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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