My nipple is on Facebook.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize