Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
