I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
