We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
