god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
