you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
