I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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