So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
