Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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