This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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