Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
