I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
