eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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