Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
