I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
