THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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