you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
