Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
