i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
