I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
