I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
