To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize