come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
