i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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