you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
