Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
