I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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