I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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