The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
