are you still at the devil's house?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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