I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
