I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
