I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
