There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
