Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
