During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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