Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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