if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im part way to drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
