I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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