ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
