he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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