If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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