i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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