Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
