You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
