I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
