in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
