I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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