i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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