I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
