Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
