my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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