Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize