The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
