What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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