Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
