We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
