your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
